Introduction & Identity

Forgive me, dear reader, for I have made a grave social mistake. What mistake would that be? Well I’ve been typing away, sharing information, giving thoughts and opinions...and I haven’t even introduced myself! Introductions are such an important part of our social interactions. They are the doorways to relationships with others, providing the foundation upon which we build our knowledge of a person. And simple as they may be, they can tell us so much.

Notice how most introductions begin with the sharing of a name. Mine is Elizabeth Idowu. 

Names hold background and history. They tell of culture and heritage. And the way one interacts with their given name can say a lot about their connection to that history. Were they enthusiastic or hesitant in sharing their name? Did they give the option of using a nickname or other alternative name? Did they share the meaning or origin of their name? Even the decision to share just a first name, full government name, or something in between tells us something. Names are a core element of what we use to identify ourselves and how we present our name to others lets them know how we want to be identified.

Usually, people will follow up their introduction with the phrase “I am...”. This is a statement of identity, and what often determines how one completes the statement is context. Where is this introduction happening? To whom am I introducing myself? What am I hoping to gain from this encounter? The way someone introduces themselves at a networking event is likely different than how they introduce themselves at a party. Context determines what aspects of identity we choose to share. It’s the difference between whether I tell someone that I’m a Registered Psychotherapist or I’m a cosplayer. The difference between whether I mention that I’m Nigerian or that I’ve lived in Canada for most of my life. Or maybe context suggests that it is appropriate to share all of the above and perhaps even more. We carry many identities with us and what we share is just as important as what we don’t. 

We can often be unaware of all the identities we carry until we are placed in situations that challenge us to choose. For example, in writing this I’ve had to choose which parts of my identity feel appropriate, safe, and helpful to mention. The ways in which I express who I am impact how people relate with me, which is really important in psychotherapeutic work. But there are other ways in which we are challenged to choose. Sometimes our identities conflict. One’s identity as a loving brother may conflict with their identity as a manger if their sibling ends up in the hospital on the day of an important presentation. Some navigate this with ideas like “work is what I do, not who I am”, as this helps place a hierarchy on competing priorities, which in this case would mean family comes first.  Helpful as such a statement is, how it plays out practically is seldom so simple. Rather it goes to show the complexity of the interactions of our many identities. And though this feels like the perfect segue into discussing Intersectionality, context and identity as a blog writer, and not an essayist, dictate that I start to wrap this up. 

As someone who actively works with clients in the areas of self-discovery and identity, I recognize how challenging the seemingly simple task of introducing oneself can be. It sets the precedent for how people see and treat you, which is daunting. Especially when our lives are always changing and the words I use to identify myself today may not be the same ones I use next year, next month, or even next week. When I started typing this up, I had no idea what I was going to write. In previous personal blogs I’ve had, my first post was the introduction post but I didn’t do that this time because I wasn’t quite sure how to present myself. I want this blog to feel professional while maintaining some personality, and I felt like that meant I had to present a certain, unchanging picture of myself. But as I was writing, I was reminded of the things I tell my own clients. That change is constant and that as we change, we are allowed to change the ways in which we show up in our relationships, workplaces, schools, and for ourselves. So as I wrap this up, I hope that you are left with something interesting to think about. And if you are bold enough, go ahead and introduce yourself in the comments!