It Gets a Little Messy Before It Gets Clean

In my family, every spring we clean out our garage. It’s a long process and feels kinda daunting as my family tends to acquire a lot of items throughout the year and we primary use our garage for storage. Where it all comes from, I’m not too sure, but it’s taking up space and either needs to be rearranged, donated, or tossed out. This year, I happened to come home while my family was mid-clean and thought to myself, “This...is a mess.” To be fair, I think that every year, but there’s something unique about walking into it without seeing exactly how the mess developed. Anyway, I joined in to help, and as we continued moving things around and sorting the piles, things began to look better. It wasn’t perfect, and the work wasn’t going to be completed in one day, but it was an improvement. Therapy is much the same. 

People come into therapy with a garage full of stuff. Sometimes they have specific items they are looking to sort out, and sometimes all they know is that something has to change and they have to start somewhere. So we start the process and as they begin to unpack, there comes a point where the mess looks worse than where they started. See, we don’t realize how much we carry with us as we go through life. And it may be a while before people have their first experience of taking inventory of what they’ve been storing in their garage. They may have to confront repressed emotions, unsolved problems, damaged relationships with others and self, deep traumas, etc...and that is messy. 

Additionally, choices need to be made on what to keep and what to release. Once someone is aware of all they’ve been holding on to, they then have to decide how to interact with those things. “Do I let go of this hurt? Should I confront that person? How do I learn to love myself better?” These are all important questions that can come up during the course of the cleaning. Fortunately, the therapist is there to support people with what they might need to make these decision. It may look like shining a flashlight on the hidden strengths a client has, or handing them the tools to build better relationships with loved ones. The idea is that they are not going at it alone. 

However, this can be a lengthy process and a couples hours of work alone may not complete the job. And once unpacked, things can’t go back in the way they were before. Sure, there may be more space after some rearranging and tossing out a thing or two, but likely not enough to neatly put everything back in just yet. Here, the therapist can operate as a shed of sorts. Holding space for the things the client doesn’t want to haphazardly toss back into the garage. Giving them the reassurance that things can be safely stored here until they have been more thoroughly examined and there is a proper place for them in the garage.

There’s no guarantee that after all that work the garage will be 100% clean, clear, and clutter free. In fact it’s pretty unlikely. But, by being able to pull things apart, take a closer look, and view things from a new perspective, one can hopefully walk away knowing that their garage is a little cleaner than how it was when they started.