Sunk Cost Fallacy (Part 2)

I almost didn’t write this blog post.

Generally, the things I write about are inspired by patterns I notice with clients, things I observe in my community or the greater society, or things I’m experiencing personally. And for some reason, despite the fact that I see evidence of people falling for the sunk cost fallacy almost daily, I just wasn’t feeling inspired to write more…at least until now. I’ve come to notice that sunk cost fallacy is driven by something that I think is one of humanity’s greatest gifts. Yet, when distorted, can be one of our greatest curses. And that thing is hope. Stick with me for a second as I explain.

I’ve already explained sunk cost fallacy in last month’s blog post, so I won’t do that again here. However, I do need to define hope. Here is what comes up from a quick google search: “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen”. I always ask new clients about what they hope to get out of therapy. Why? Because their hopes are what dictate the direction therapy takes. And just like with therapy, our hopes dictate how we make the decisions that shape our very lives. Hope is the driving force behind the amazing resilience that human beings display every single day. 

So, how does hope become a curse? I think hope becomes a problem when we put our hope in the wrong places, and don’t know how to redirect the focus of our hope. Essentially, when we don't know how to let go. Hope for an investment to work out, based on a desire for financial success/stability, is not a bad thing. However, it becomes a problem if you become so focused on things working out, that you lose money to the point of going into debt. The focus of the hope became distorted, the original goal was lost, and things actually ended up backfiring. 

Or say you hope to be in a loving, long-term relationship. Again, a completely normal and common desire. However, things become problematic if you start to endure abuse because “you’ve been together so long, so you can’t leave now”. Or you love spending time with them and they really seem to care about you, but refuse to actually commit to you. Yet, you’ve convinced yourself that if you just keep trying, they’ll eventually see how much you love them and decide to be with you. These scenarios demonstrate an unwillingness to let go and refocus that end up distorting the original hope. And unfortunately, this can happen in any area of life. 

So what do we do?

Some people claim to give up on having hopes at all. However, I don’t think that’s the solution. Without hope, we are effectively lost and stuck. A life without hope feels empty and meaningless. Instead, we should make sure we are placing our hopes in the right place and taking time to make sure we are still aligned. Rather than focusing on a particular outcome, we should be looking at our core desires. From there we can establish guiding principles that can keep us on track, while making sure that we aren’t being too narrow or restrictive, but also not so broad that we lose the plot entirely. And what better time to do this than now, as we can reflect on 2025 and prepare for 2026?

So, whenever you’re able, take a moment to think about the things you’re hoping for. Ask yourself what you’ve been doing to get there. Ask yourself if you’re still on track or if you’ve veered off course. Ask yourself what needs to be done to remain in or return to alignment. A year ago, I wrote about how it’s never too late to start again, and I still stand by those words here. Sometimes, we have to remind ourselves that reaching our hopes and dreams is worth the effort it takes to tear down faulty foundations and start building all over again.

My final encouragement is this. Don’t give up hope. A quote from the Bible (stay with me), actually puts it so aptly. The first half of Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”, meaning that waiting for fulfillment of something you’ve been wanting for a long time can be discouraging and disheartening. But the verse doesn’t end there. It continues to say, “but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life”. Which means that when the desire is finally fulfilled, it is restorative, bringing us back to life, and filling us with great joy. And that is why we shouldn’t give up hope. Why, even though sunk cost fallacy is a real risk, the reward of staying hopeful is even greater.

• Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! :)